It was said by an exhausted mom and it wasn’t meant to hurt me but hurt it did.
I do know how very important and special it is that I get to be step mom to Danny and Sophie. I do. They are…they are pure joy and life and I can’t express how much I love them. They are my world and my family.
There is that very open wound from not having children. I didn’t get to have that experience with my body. I do not know what it feels like to have a baby laying against me skin to skin. To watch all the marvels as they grow awareness and knowledge. To hold chubby limbs and see them take their first steps. To see what in their little face looks like you.
And you know… it hurts damnit. I know I am not alone in this feeling and I wanted to say to every single woman out there who has wanted to have children but has been unable to for whatever reason - I know. I know and I feel that pain.
I know the side comments not meant to hurt that do hurt.
I know playing the “what if” game when you lie awake at night.
I know watching other mamas and wondering what certain things are like.
Not all of us are meant to have babies. It’s bullshit but whether it’s medical or another reason some of us do not get that experience even if we have wanted it our entire lives.
But I have learned some stuff. We are miraculous, amazing women nonetheless. We can nurture and parent in other ways. We can inspire. We can teach. Some of us get to be Bonus mamas and some of us become CEOs.
Some of us do both.
But I feel you. And I know.