It was said by an exhausted mom and it wasn’t meant to hurt me but hurt it did.
I do know how very important and special it is that I get to be step mom to Danny and Sophie. I do. They are…they are pure joy and life and I can’t express how much I love them. They are my world and my family.
There is that very open wound from not having children. I didn’t get to have that experience with my body. I do not know what it feels like to have a baby laying against me skin to skin. To watch all the marvels as they grow awareness and knowledge. To hold chubby limbs and see them take their first steps. To see what in their little face looks like you.
And you know… it hurts damnit. I know I am not alone in this feeling and I wanted to say to every single woman out there who has wanted to have children but has been unable to for whatever reason - I know. I know and I feel that pain.
I know the side comments not meant to hurt that do hurt.
I know playing the “what if” game when you lie awake at night.
I know watching other mamas and wondering what certain things are like.
Not all of us are meant to have babies. It’s bullshit but whether it’s medical or another reason some of us do not get that experience even if we have wanted it our entire lives.
But I have learned some stuff. We are miraculous, amazing women nonetheless. We can nurture and parent in other ways. We can inspire. We can teach. Some of us get to be Bonus mamas and some of us become CEOs.
Some of us do both.
But I feel you. And I know.
It’s a topic I feel is super important to address as a stepmom/parent. I want the kids to understand this is not about quick fixes or trying to be skinny. I want everyone to understand that actually.
I began my journey to making lifestyle changes about 9 years ago. Before that I struggled with weight since I was a child. I continue to struggle with food. In the past I have tried every diet pill created, every fad diet, every cleanse. I was obsessed with the number on the scale, I pinched the fat on my body in disgust, and I told myself daily that I was fat - and that fat meant I was BAD/UGLY.
This was my life for many years. Through all of that I had no concept of nutrition or what kinds of foods I should really be eating. I thought if it said fat free, low fat, or diet I was good. I thought not eating was how you had to lose weight, would starve myself, which in return would become a binge session and I was back to the starting point.
I am so happy when I see people making changes, but I'm not happy when I see them restricting themselves of the calories they need or telling people exercise is not needed. I’m not happy when I see people equating their weight with being a bad person.
We need food and the right kinds to fuel our bodies. We need to get up and move! We cannot depend on pills, wraps, patches, magic potions, or calorie restricting craziness to give us long lasting results.
You have to find balance. Teach your kids! Yes you can still have pizza, enjoy sweets from time to time, and still enjoy life. I want the kiddos and my friends to see that we can enjoy life and be healthy too. They know exercise is important because they see it daily in our home or on my instagram/FB.
I don't want them to see me obsessing about food, or hating the body I have even with the cellulite, stretch marks, and all! I do want them to see me working hard, fueling my body, and loving the skin I'm in. It has to start with us. With parents and adults. Educate yourself on nutrition, get up and start moving, involve your family, and find accountability!! Stop looking for easy or magic! It's not easy, but doing it the right way is healthy and your body will thank you for it.
Fad diets can change your weight, but exercise and lifestyle changes can change your life!