Of the many things my mother in law said to me, one of them was “write it down.” She’s not my mother in law by the strictest definition. I am not married but her son is my boyfriend and I was as close to her as one that was would be. She referred to me as her daughter or daughter in law and I called her my mother in law for so long it became reality. I spent a lot of time with her when she was in the hospital. It was bleak and the days were long but I wouldn’t change the time I had. It was there that we got to know each other even better. I miss her very much.
She and I shared an aversion to being forgotten. The general idea of it is frustrating and upsetting. She left so much of herself behind that she won’t be. My boyfriend and I were given her laptop when she passed away. I used it to track down her contacts but found so much more. She wrote. A lot. It’s inspiring to read and is absolutely that raw, off the cuff way I used to write myself. It shouldn’t be lost on a hard drive. It is helping me get back into a groove and I love her for it.
So in Kelly’s words:
“There is a good reason 80% of great stories never get published-It’s because they never get written. Write about what you know. Turn the font way up and never mind if it’s not making sense in the beginning-just write it down. We don’t put pen to paper anymore-because we have computers (which helps people like me who are confused by snarky cats, the bunny, traffic going by, birds tweeting, and life in general.) because the computer remembers. Don’t fix the spelling mistakes, the grammar errors, and don’t let ANYONE edit you. JUST WRITE. You got double vision? Make the font bigger. You can’t remember what the hell you were writing about? Look at your notes, make notes. You don’t feel like it one day, or one week> Fine, don’t do it that day-but promise yourself you will go back. You have nothing to lose but ennui and an anxious feeling that life may indeed be passing you by. I refuse to let a disease, or circumstances or anything else define me. I will define me. I will not be sad and I will not be a drag around other people. If I cry when I am alone, that’s my privilege. If the people who know me best are pretty sure that’s what is going on, then for my sake they will pretend I am made of steel and let on to no one else what they suspect. In order to do that, I have to be busy and as productive as I can be. The rest is all conjecture.”
It’s a topic I feel is super important to address as a stepmom/parent. I want the kids to understand this is not about quick fixes or trying to be skinny. I want everyone to understand that actually.
I began my journey to making lifestyle changes about 9 years ago. Before that I struggled with weight since I was a child. I continue to struggle with food. In the past I have tried every diet pill created, every fad diet, every cleanse. I was obsessed with the number on the scale, I pinched the fat on my body in disgust, and I told myself daily that I was fat - and that fat meant I was BAD/UGLY.
This was my life for many years. Through all of that I had no concept of nutrition or what kinds of foods I should really be eating. I thought if it said fat free, low fat, or diet I was good. I thought not eating was how you had to lose weight, would starve myself, which in return would become a binge session and I was back to the starting point.
I am so happy when I see people making changes, but I'm not happy when I see them restricting themselves of the calories they need or telling people exercise is not needed. I’m not happy when I see people equating their weight with being a bad person.
We need food and the right kinds to fuel our bodies. We need to get up and move! We cannot depend on pills, wraps, patches, magic potions, or calorie restricting craziness to give us long lasting results.
You have to find balance. Teach your kids! Yes you can still have pizza, enjoy sweets from time to time, and still enjoy life. I want the kiddos and my friends to see that we can enjoy life and be healthy too. They know exercise is important because they see it daily in our home or on my instagram/FB.
I don't want them to see me obsessing about food, or hating the body I have even with the cellulite, stretch marks, and all! I do want them to see me working hard, fueling my body, and loving the skin I'm in. It has to start with us. With parents and adults. Educate yourself on nutrition, get up and start moving, involve your family, and find accountability!! Stop looking for easy or magic! It's not easy, but doing it the right way is healthy and your body will thank you for it.
Fad diets can change your weight, but exercise and lifestyle changes can change your life!